From One People-Pleaser to Another, You Don’t Have to Be Anymore

Does anyone else love taking personality quizzes? I’m not sure why I do but it’s just something about a little questionnaire telling me who I am that is kind of thrilling. I mean, who wouldn’t want to take a quiz about which Christmas movie character you are most like? (Shamelessly got like Howard Langston from Jingle All the Way hah) Or what kind of friend I need based on which Disney movie I like? Classic.

Well, I don’t know if any of you have ever taken the Enneagram test before but it’s a personality quiz that is made up of nine separate personality numbers or types (kind of like the Meyer-Briggs test). But, this one is a bit more extensive and will tell you which number you most relate with at your healthiest stage, at your worst stage, and which number you work best with in a relationship. My roommates and I are obsessed with it.

I’ve taken the quiz many times but every time I take it, I always get number 9, The Peacemaker. The Peacemaker, in short terms, is essentially someone that fears conflict, goes with the flow, doesn’t necessarily have a strong personality (relates to everyone), and seeks to keep the peace. Sounds kind of like an easy life, right?

You think: I don’t ever get angry at people. I am very easy-going. I am never annoyed. I am cheerful, most of the time. I don’t have a strong personality and get along with everyone. I morph identities with the people I am around. I’ll never disagree with you; I’m chill.

But, in reality, being someone that is always a “people-pleaser” is pretty difficult. On the outside, I am what you think but on the inside, I am filled with fear, anxiety, and am always over-thinking. I am fearful of disappointing people. I am fearful of disrupting harmony. I am fearful of people disliking me. I am anxiety-laden about whether I should say something or not because saying it might lead the other person to believe I am crazy or needy or imperfect; I’m the farthest from chill.

And I think that fear of disappointment has kept me from a lot of things or better yet, has forced me into a lot of things I didn’t want to actually do.

Like when I went to Florida my senior year of high school, with half of my graduating class, for Spring Break because I didn’t want to disappoint my friends or cause potential conflict in telling them that I had no desire to go. And guess what? While on that trip, I got drunk for the first time ever. Why? Because I wanted to fit in. I wanted people to like me. I wanted people to think I was cool; I didn’t want to disappoint.

Or like that time I started a blog but didn’t post for months on end because I feared disappointing others or better yet, God. I thought, my words are not good enough to say. There are plenty of other bloggers in this world so why would I matter? My words are not poetic enough. People are expecting so much more out of me; God is expecting so much more out of me. I have to make everyone happy.

But you see, we were not designed for the sake of making others happy or to let others control what we do or to lie to ourselves.

We were purposefully and beautifully created for Him and to live for Him.

And when we live for Him, and Him only, there is nothing that we can do that will make Him love us any else. Which does not leave room for any of us to go out and do what we want, but it does mean that in Him, there is no fear.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18)

Has anything been on your heart for a while now? Maybe it’s telling your friend that you don’t want to go to that party because it’s not your scene or it’s confronting your significant other about something hurtful they have said or it’s writing a blog post even though you’re not the best person for it.

Be brave, sweet friend.

Because it’s when we’re obedient and adventurous that we experience His freedom. And maybe, just maybe, that thing you have been fearing is exactly what you need to get to that next level? To get your relationship to a point of forgiveness or clarity. To get your friendship to a point of sincerity and vulnerability; to get to who God created you to be.

Sweet friend, don’t live in fear or anxiety. Be the brave, adventurous, explorer that God created you to be and know that regardless of what happens, you always have God to fall back on.

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” ― Joseph Campbell



4 thoughts on “From One People-Pleaser to Another, You Don’t Have to Be Anymore

  1. Dani – I really like that you translate something that we all struggle in a way that we can all relate to. This is very practical. The “take home” resonated with me – good work!


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